Thursday, November 02, 2006

The tale of Sir Valiant of Grocery Towers

Once upon a time there lived at Grocery Towers a good knight, bedecked in shining armour, strong of limb and pure of heart, ever ready to enter the lists on behalf of the realm and all those who found shelter within. Steadfast and true was this gentle knight.

Yeah, right.

The story begins, as so many do, with a querellous middle-aged woman approaching customer services to complain about the lack of a particular product. Upon investigation it emerged that this woman, who has a track record of making our lives miserable and then telephoning Head Office to massage in a bit of salt, had been able to get one box of whatever product it was she wanted - but she'd wanted two.

Oh, dear.

Notwithstanding the fact that she'd been able to get some she was unhappy at our manifest failure to keep the shelf full and she wanted the number of head office so that she could lodge a complaint because "they'll give me boxes for free".

The person who had the misfortune to deal with this creature dutifully provided the telephone number for Head Office (though we all harbour the suspicion that the creature knows it by heart or has it programmed into her 'phone). She also checked the stock holdings and ordering and made sure some would be on its way to us with the next delivery.

Then she called Sir Valiant to forewarn him. She laid out the woman's history, complaint, her own actions to ensure supply and finally the claim this woman had made to be able to extract free goods from Head Office.

From the other end we received grateful thanks for the warning and an undertaking that under no circumstances would the freeloader be getting her boxes from him.

The following day the same staff member received a call from our heroic Knight: the boxes were being sent to us by internal transfer, they'd been sourced from the local store and would arrived in the next day or two.

She asked Sir Valiant to repeat what he'd just said. After he complied she asked him to repeat the message again. At the third telling he added something along the lines of "so could you please get them delivered to her."

The response was an exceptionally restrained "I hope you don't bloody expect me to deliver them" followed by much "how could you?" which is polite speak for "you spineless, gutless chicken-shit!"


  • At 10:43 pm, Blogger Pizza Hut Team Member said…


  • At 7:54 pm, Blogger Morpheus said…

    Brilliant blog! Having been on both sides (Liptons, Paignton...deli, warehouse, shelves, customer at many and varied Satans)you have kept me giggling, apalled and interested for the past few hours. Nice one :o)

  • At 8:49 pm, Blogger Spider said…

    Customer relations are the spawn of the devil I however console myself that they have to listen to these miserable buggers all day.
    Oh by the way regarding the customer Ive tried asking this question to one of ny serial complainers, 'Sir I do hate to ask this, but if everything we do is so awful why do you keep shopping with us'? He still shops with us but funnily enough has not complained.

  • At 12:01 am, Blogger silas said…

    As a contractor who visits many customer services on a daily basis to get signed in etc, I hear many similar stories from the regular triers on for free goods etc. They have my sympathies I know what I would be saying to them.

  • At 2:02 am, Blogger Mary-Margaret said…

    Oh PLEASE I beg of you...please post more! I work as well in a grocery in Iowa. You are just too spot on in what you have written! This is universal...and I hunger for more of your humorous take on life!

  • At 12:42 am, Blogger randy said…

    Hi, Nice site thanks for sharing. Would it be okay to contact you through your email? Please email me back.


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